I threw an all out GIGANTIC pitty party for myself yesterday. I had eaten some bad for me stuff the day before, just because I guess. So yesterday morning, no surprise I was feeling really bad, pain in every joint (from the Frosty no doubt) and zingers running rampant in my body. But the real problem was between my ears, I had let this disease get the best of me.
So I sat down at my painting table and told myself I was going to paint a really mean picture of Jesus. Afterall God was the one that let me be like this, I was in a brand new marriage and full of pain and anxiety, that was certainly not fair. I sat there and just attacked the fabric with oil markers, just drew the worst looking picture I could think of , really upset and really just mad at God in general.
I texted Tony that I was feeling so badly and he texted me back to meet him for lunch. I had already picked a fight with him that morning and was thinking that I needed to say I was sorry in person. We met at O'Charles and had a really nice lunch, he rubbed my aching hands until our food came.
Later yesterday evening after our meeting I worked on the painting some more. I was thinking that Jesus has an odd way of mellowing my soul and spirit when I am angry at him. He makes me look straight at him and see the pain and misery that he went through for us. As I was putting on the final washes of color for the background and dragging the colors over his face I thought about the crucifixion and how it must have been so painful to endure not only the physical pain but the agony of his friends hiding from him in shame.
It came to light to me that God gave me this pain for a reason, I have something very tangible to offer up to him.